As I reflected on this journey shared with you in four parts, I couldn’t help but notice the similarities to the journey I began in 1983 … when the pain was so great I knew in my bones there must be “a better way” of living.
- I attended a Living-in-Process retreat with Anne Wilson Schaef
- In 1984, I began the Living-in-Process facilitator training
- Reluctantly, I began attending 12-Step meetings as required by our wise leader, Anne, just in time before my life shattered.
The twelve-step program represents the best of American spirituality, offering a very practical way of living the Gospel. ~Richard Rohr, Franciscan Priest & Mystic
It was in 12-Step meetings that I found the tools to handle life “on life’s terms” – terms this idealist did not like. But there they were and they needed to be dealt with.
It took me from 1983 to 1999 to handle “life on life’s terms” with skill and heart. It was a powerful experience.
Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation—some fact of my life—unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. … Until I could accept my crazy expectations, I could not maintain serenity and equanimity; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes. ~12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous revised to fit my “ism” & need for sober thinking/acting
10 Thoughts on Acceptance as The Answer (thanks to the Toledo AA Meeting)
- Learning to accept criticism: It can be difficult to hear negative feedback, but accepting it and using it constructively can help you improve and grow.
- Accepting failure: Failure is a natural part of the learning process. Rather than dwelling on it, learn from it and move on.
- Accepting change: Change can be scary and uncomfortable, but accepting it and adapting to it can lead to new opportunities and growth.
- Accepting diversity: Everyone is unique and has their own beliefs, opinions, and ways of living. Accepting and respecting diversity can lead to a more inclusive and harmonious world.
- Accepting imperfection: No one is perfect, and striving for perfection can be exhausting and unattainable. Accepting your flaws and mistakes can lead to greater self-acceptance and inner peace.
- Accepting rejection: Rejection is never easy, but accepting it and using it as a learning experience can help you grow and become more resilient.
- Accepting limitations: We all have our limitations, whether they be physical, emotional, or mental. Accepting these limitations can help you focus on your strengths and work around your weaknesses.
- Accepting uncertainty: Life is unpredictable, and there will always be moments of uncertainty. Learning to accept these moments and trust in yourself and the universe can help you feel more grounded and at peace.
- Accepting responsibility: It can be tempting to blame others for our mistakes or shortcomings, but accepting responsibility for our actions can lead to greater self-awareness and personal growth.
- Accepting others as they are: We cannot change others, only ourselves. Learning to accept others as they are, without trying to change them, can lead to more fulfilling and harmonious relationships.
I continue to be in awe at how working this program and applying the tools to my very painful and scary situation in 1999 … how surrendering to “what is” led to a miracle of grace. Oh, how could I have forgotten?
I pray for that grace again as I face a time in my life where experiences of loss are “what is.” As we age, we lose the ability to be as active as we once were … and so do our friends and families; some die, transitioning into the next realm; dreams and longings fade into oblivion. The world marches on and we are less vital in the march as changes overwhelm us. Grief becomes a frequent visitor.
Experience: Our Best Teacher
And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time. ~T. S. Eliot
Thanks to my nature … “that powerful inside energy that goes deep in search of what is REAL” … I finally arrived again where I started … knowing it more deeply … gained through experience … as if for the first time.
Guiding Spirit … please help me remember!
In what ways are you called to “accept life on life’s terms” these days?
What experience have you had with arriving where you started?
Thank you Linda. What you wrote about acceptance is so pertinent to my present situation.
I am printing it all out to look at regularly.
Love,
Ani
So many of our life situations benefit from “accepting what we cannot change.” I know from experience. And, to really get it, I needed to be in the company of others with painful situations they couldn’t change. It’s difficult for us sensitive, caring types. To us, it seems unloving and cold. I needed a lot of support to “get it” and my most beneficial support came from those also struggling to come to acceptance. I wish you well on your journey. Don’t feel embarrassed to ask for support!
This is such a heartfelt piece. How healing to have a full circle knowing with AA tenets. May you remember!
Thank you, Jen … would that I continue to remember! Your prayers are appreciated!
I believe what you are describing is ‘seeing with new eyes’. This morning I am reading about metanoia, the name of retreats I gave years ago, (a long story). It is translated as “turning towards the disclosure of a higher reality and more relevant truth.” Seems when one chooses growth and development as a life goal this happens over and over and over again. We constantly see with new eyes. I am often surprised when I arrive at this new place and surprised that I am surprised! My experience tells me I can expect more surprises up ahead. The experience I have is a great humility about what I know and what there is to know….
Diana … I love “turning towards the disclosure of a higher reality and more relevant truth.” Oh how much we all need this today! In the cacophony of noise that permeates our world, I find it difficult to find. And what a treasure when I do.
It is also my experience to be surprised when I suddenly see with new eyes. We Enneagram One’s don’t leave a lot of room for humility … we think we “should” learn this and know this once and for all. 🙂 We are so hard on ourselves. Thanks for the reminder to treasure the surprises.
“Choosing” growth and development as a life goal … I’ve experienced that more as “a Divine mandate” than “a choice.” Being such an “odd duck” isn’t always easy … and I’m grateful for a few other “odd ducks” in my life to keep me company. Glad you are one of them. 🙂
Hi Linda, I enjoy all your blogs, but especially This one. I think the 12 steps are an excellent way of life for everyone. I have learned and grown so much from working the steps.
Thanks for sharing! Love you.
Susan … I didn’t know we have working the 12-Steps in common. Love you, too, Sister!
I totally agree, working the 12-Steps is an excellent way of life for anyone who aspires to deepen their spiritual life and navigate their life in this world with wisdom and grace.
Grateful to know that we share this path!
Oh Linda, yes, T.S. and his Quartets said so much that applies.
Always arriving for another round of that which we thought we had found it all.
His other lines are always necessary to remember:
“And all shall be well and
All manner of things shall be well…”
Mahlon
On the top of my computer I’ve placed a quote … “All shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.” ~Julian of Norwich. I also have a necklace shaped like a mobius strip containing this quote. I have added to it a butterfly, my favorite symbol of transformation.
And so, yes, Mahlon, I do know the importance of remembering that “all shall be well” … something I find myself forgetting when I’m in the midst of the storm. I guess T.S. Eliot and I have that in common … treasuring the wisdom of this religious woman from the Middle Ages who wrote about revelations of Divine Love. I was unaware of T.S. Eliot’s further lines, so thank you for bringing that to my attention. Lets me know that I’m in good company … Julian of Norwich, T. S. Eliot, and you, Mahlon.
I am so inspired as how you go through these steps and changes. I am learning from what you say. Thank you!
I appreciate knowing that you found my journey inspiring and helpful. However, it is two drunks who really wanted to be sober who inspired my journey and deserve the credit … Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob set the 12-Steps in motion. Two very unlikely leaders who changed the world.
Reminds me of Margaret Mead’s words … “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” And you, Pam, are one of those thoughtful, committed citizens who has changed the world … in a big way. I am grateful to know you and be counted as one of your friends.