Lightening

This is the word that choose me for 2025. When I felt stuck, this word came to me. I felt led to add lightning strikes to the placard. I had no idea how this word would unfold and what significance it held.

I pondered, “What is life asking of me now? In what way is “lightening” the lesson I am to learn in 2025?”

My first exercise in lightening involved deep cleaning my garage and culling my clothes closet and bookshelves. A question loomed, “What else am I meant to lighten?” I sat with the mystery.

Oh No! Not This!

As it became increasingly clear that we now live under a cruel regime, I face the possibility of a great deal of loss. With Medicaid, Medicare, and Social Security on the chopping block, my daughter and I confront a precarious future. Our financial and thus physical load faces the potential of being drastically lightened.

With no backup, how to prepare for that eventuality?

Doing Something

The memory of twenty-six years ago when I faced a similar situation … when my daughter’s crisis had the potential for changing my life drastically … increasing rather than lightening the load I carried … after I’d done all that I knew to do … I surrendered … my only remaining option … a lightening of sorts.

And I only surrendered after I’d done all that I knew to do. To my way of thinking, doing all I could do is what a responsible person does.

In our current situation, I don’t even know where to begin … other than stay informed, call my representatives in Congress, write letters, boycott, and protest. And so, I do.

I follow the news. As I embrace independent vs corporate media, I feel like part of a Substack community … all of us struggling to make sense of the unsensible. It gives me an outlet to support passionate justice fighters for the rule of law, voting rights, and empathy for the less fortunate … people with more influence than I have.

Together, we ride the roller coaster of emotions as more and more bizarre actions are forthcoming from our so-called leaders. I write to and call my congressional representatives urging them to consider situations like my daughter’s and mine.

As I take action, my anxiety decreases. At least I am doing something … all I know to do.

And in the end, I am wise enough to know … surrender is really my only option.

Preparation

And so, I prepare for the day when I’ve done all I can do.

My spiritual practice involves reading and reflecting upon the wise words of spiritual masters. Currently, Richard Rohr’s latest book, The Tears of Things: Prophetic Wisdom for an Age of Outrage, serves that purpose. Rohr responds to these deep questions: How do we live compassionately in a time of violence and despair? What can we do with our private disappointments and the anger we feel in such an unjust world?

The Tears of Things chronicles the evolutionary journey of Old Testament prophets … as they moved through stages beginning with rage and culminating in the emergence of love. Rohr shows how Jesus relied on them as a model for his own ministry. I find reading it both comforting and challenging. I highly recommend what I believe is Rohr’s finest book.

I record in my journal (my method of praying) the way the wisdom I read speaks to me and informs my call to “be” and “act” in the face of today’s challenges.

During times like these, I sometimes need to give voice to my struggles to move from rage to compassion. I’m blessed with friends who listen deeply and tenderly offer sage counsel. My innards calm, I see more clearly, and gain increased strength to traverse this chaotic and scary journey … as the day draws nearer when there is nothing left to do but surrender to love.

As of this writing, it appears that one of my very partisan representatives is having second thoughts about these far-reaching cuts. Just in case that is true, I called and thanked him for speaking out. I will continue to call and write. I’m told our calls actually do make a difference.

And then we wait.

The Lightening of Surrender

I draw upon the vivid memory of 26 years ago … my profound first and only experience of surrender. I entered that day focused on doing what I needed to do to address the situation. And then I had nothing left to do but surrender. It is a miracle in itself that I was truly able to surrender on that day in August 1999. I am one who prefers to be in charge … a delusion of my particular personality type.

And on that day …  during hours of waiting … I basked in amazement at the calm spirit of curiosity that descended upon me. How would this unfold? … amazed at the humor I possessed about the vagaries of life. That I trusted is a miracle in itself. Trust is not a strong suit I possess.

And then, an even greater miracle unfolded … and I was able to be present to the blessing emerging in the midst of what seemed a tragedy. My finest moments as a human being.

Heart Pondering Lightening

It has become clear to me, after months of pondering, and sitting with that pondering … that it is time for me to let go of publishing Heart Ponderings. I actually wrote this post before “Spotting an Addiction,” published on May 19. After writing that post, I wondered if I did, indeed, had more to say. And then on May 26, I uploaded, “Lightening.” I set a date on my calendar to publish it … June 2. And then on May 29, I felt clear and moved the publish date to today, May 30.

Writing will continue to be a major practice that strengthens my spiritual path. And I find myself devoid of wisdom to offer in this moment. So, for now, my heart ponderings and search for wisdom and strength to meet this historical moment will be relegated to my personal journal.

I am reading and listening to younger voices who attempt to make sense of and bring insight to this moment in history. They inspire me, stretch me, and give me hope for the future. I encourage you to find and support those fresh voices … especially those compassionate voices filled with a wisdom beyond their years.

The Ultimate Lightening

Many recent experiences have brought me out of denial that I am growing old. Hearing others of my age and younger being referred to as “of advanced age” and “elderly” has been somewhat shocking. I have noticed “being invisible” as many older women report experiencing. And I guess the fact that I continue to be in fairly good health as I approach my 83^rd birthday … nothing life threatening going on as far as I know … keeps me in denial.

And it is not lost on me that I am drawing closer to the ultimate lightening … letting go … when all these concerns will be laid to rest along with my body.

Until then, peace be with all of us. May our heart ponderings fill us with wisdom and strength for the road ahead.

It is with a bit of a heavy heart that my 2025 path of lightening has led me here.

As I take my leave, I am filled with gratitude for those of you who have encouraged me in the past to keep sharing my ponderings here … and especially to those of you who respond with comments on the blog, or in emails, phone calls, texts, or conversations. I appreciate more than you know the connection that stretches and undergirds me at the same time. Priceless gifts. Thank you.

Farewell and Godspeed.