When I was a teenager and for many years thereafter, I had a recurring dream. I was moving into an old house. Whoever lived there before me had left a lot of stuff behind, especially in the attic. I rummaged through what was left to see if there was anything I could use. I found the process enjoyable.
These past few weeks as I’ve adjusted to my daughter’s moving in with me, I’ve been experiencing a roller coaster of emotions. On Monday of this week, I felt a sudden burst of energy and cleaned my house. It had become cluttered with so much of her stuff that I didn’t yet have a place for. Decluttering and organizing are activities I enjoy and my spirit was bright as order and beauty re-emerged.
Then on Tuesday, I was in the doldrums again. It looked like depression–I didn’t want to get out of bed, I had no energy, I went through the motions. My daughter and I kept the appointment with the independent living facility that is a possible future home for her. The appointment went well but I could tell I wasn’t up to par. The application lacked information needed. I am usually quite thorough about paperwork, even though I detest filling out forms by hand. I was not at my best.
Wednesday I attended a meeting where a spiritual teacher outlined eight characteristics of what he calls “our soul’s bill of rights.” He spoke about being stuck and finding a path to return to flow. I don’t have his exact words here because inside I was full of negativity (darkness), figured I was stuck, and was quietly resisting moving out of that “stuck” place.
My writing partner was in the group and in the restroom, during the break, she commented on how what the spiritual teacher was talking about was my story…the one I have been writing about in my memoir, A Long Awakening to Grace. I jerked my head backward as though hit by a tsunami and exclaimed, “Yea, but I’m stuck again.”
Even though I said that I was stuck, it didn’t feel quite right and I continued to ponder that the rest of the day.
“But Mary kept all these things, pondering them in her heart.” ~Luke 2:19
Then yesterday morning (Thursday) I had an epiphany. While my resistance looks and feels like depression, while it seems like a lack of trust in “everything being in Divine right order,” and while it appears to be a lack of gratitude for my many blessings, it is actually the Spirit working in my life. When I resist platitudes and disingenuous gratitude and ponder instead, I am actually trusting my process of spiritual growth. If I rummage around in the clutter and darkness (stuck places?) long enough, I’ll find useful treasure…a message meant just for me for the growth that is being called forth in that particular circumstance and moment in time. Rummaging and pondering is actually me trusting my process.
With that revelation, I was back in the flow. The blocks to my writing dissolved. The message I need at this time in these circumstances moved into the light of my awareness. And that will be the subject of my next blog post.
As it turns out, my recurring dream was a metaphor for the way the Spirit works in my life. I am in awe.
So many lessons to be found in life if we just listen closely. Lovely post.
Thank you, Christina for commenting here and on Facebook. I guess that is what life is about…learning our lessons. I must admit, I do get tired of it sometimes, like this week. But once the light dawns, it is all worth it.
Awesome awareness. Perhaps the process of not quickly labeling, or accepting a label, such as depression, can leave open the possibility of real acceptance and growth. Appreciate your genuine focus.
Thank you, Jennie,
As one with incredible focus yourself, I very much appreciate your affirmation. And thanks for your insight about labeling.
Hi Lovely Linda,
How wonderful to read your words and feel your spirit.
Sending much love your way,
Marcia and Larry
Oh Marcia and Larry,
How nice to hear from you. Miss you so much and wish we could feel each spirits with big hugs. One of these days!! Much love back to both of you.
Linda, I so admire your ability to internally connect the dots:) My experience is having difficulty just to find those dots:):):) You do good work for yourself and in sharing it you show others the way!!!!!
Thank you, Diana,
I think I have a natural inclination this way, but I’m realizing how much my training in Living-in-Process with Anne Wilson Schaef helped. Our mantra was “Trust Your Process!”
Beautiful! Thank you for sharing.
Thank you, Jennifer,
I’m gaining in courage in sharing the tough stuff that makes me vulnerable. So far, my readers seem to appreciate it. That makes it worthwhile.
Thank you, Linda. You inspire me with how you stay with. your experience to keep growing. I love that your reoccurring dream shows you how Spirit works for you.
I am reflecting on a reoccurring dream and the question of “how does it show how Spirit works through me?”
Love, Anii
Hi Ani,
I look forward to hearing what you discover about your dream. The messages in dreams are pretty amazing. I’ve had other interesting messages from them. Recently I’ve been part of a dream group and have witnessed some powerful messages people receive. I don’t usually take enough time to record mine to glean their wisdom. I miss a lot that way. But this one just jumped right out at me.