What I have been increasingly aware of as 2019 drew to a close, is how little genuine connection I experience, especially during holidays. Despite the world-wide web which is supposed to connect us in ways that better the world, I experience just the opposite.
I dislike opening my email anymore. On New Year’s Eve, I received
- 35 solicitations for money … all from worthy causes
- 9 invitations to shop
- 10 messages (mostly GIFs) from people I know, some only casually
- Only 1 personal message from a true, blue friend
On this first morning of 2020, I already received
- 4 more solicitations for money
- 4 invitations to shop
I decided to end the 2019 holidays differently.
As someone who has never mastered the skill of small talk, I invited friends to my home for a New Year’s Eve ritual. I asked them in advance to be thinking about their “Guide Word for the Year.”
Not all of these women knew each other, so I wanted us to introduce ourselves in meaningful ways. The response was more enthusiastic than I anticipated.
- Sharing names and where they live. (I embellished with how long I’ve known them and something about our relationship)
- The spiritual background of my childhood was … (thanks to how Krista Tippett opens her wonderful conversations with the most interesting people)
- The way I express my creativity is …
What a diverse group of women. I learned something new about each of them, some I’ve known for close to 40 years. We all agreed, we connected with each other at a level we rarely experience … heart-felt sharing as Patti named it. We came together in such a profound way, by the end of the introductions, we felt like old friends.
I showed my friends my journal and how I intend to use it in 2020 to help me remember and live with my “Guide Word” more fully. I invited them to do something similar with theirs.
Then, while we imbibed in food and drink, we wrote our “Guide Word” on stones. We gathered again for more heart-felt sharing.
- My word for 2020 is …
- What it means to me is …
One by one we shared and placed our stones on the ritual table.
We lit our candles one by one. “I shine the light of ______ in 2020!”
- Awe
- Joy
- Intentionality
- Courageousness
- Faith
- Resurrection
And as the clock struck midnight, we toasted to 2020 and began making plans for our next gathering. We all agreed that we need more heart-felt connections like these in our lives.
What a beautiful evening for the emergence of 2020! We just don’t have enough ritual in our lives. It can open us and sacralize the space in which is takes place!!!!
I so agree, Diana,
My space felt very sacred last night. I hope to have more such events … and you are on my list to invite. Looking forward to reconnecting on Friday.
Thank you for sharing this creative and beautiful idea for heartfelt connection, Linda! Now I’m wondering what my own guide word for 2020 might be, and other ways to connect from the heart.
Laurel,
I hope to have more such gatherings in the future … and you are on my list to invite. When you discover your guide word, let me know. I find that the word finds us more than we find it. Mine has increased in meaning ever since it found me.
I really believe that an important way to experience the Divine is through relationship with other people. We see the Divine in them, and they mirror back to us our own inner spark. Life is richer and more fulfilling when we shine together!
Oh Cindy … I totally agree with you on that. And I’m so grateful you were one of the friends who came last night … one of those who enriches my life and helps my inner spark shine. What a gift you are in my life. We were all shining brightly last night, weren’t we!. It was a sight to behold.
Dear Linda,
Thanks so much for sharing about your gathering last night. I can feel from what you wrote the depth of conversationamong these thoughtful heart-felt women I love the questions you asked. And the stones are beautiful!
Happy New Year and Love to you,
Ani
Hi Ani,
I had planned for us to spend some silent time writing in our journals … but the introductions were so deep and meaningful and went on for so long, we didn’t need to do that. I had asked them to bring journals … and one wanted to know why. I confessed that I had scrapped part of my plans for the evening and why. We all agreed that the introductions were so meaningful, we didn’t need to do that extra piece. I must say, I was surprised at all that emerged from those two simple questions. It was awe-inspiring!!
I love this, Linda! I hand painted “gift words” on slates this year for my coworkers. It was a gift to me to think about them as I pondered the perfect words and saw their surprise upon opening. I applaud your special ritual! I also applaud your attitude about this strange, virtual world we have inherited.
What wonderful gifts for your co-workers. I’m going to file away that idea for a future gathering of friends. I don’t have co-workers anymore. 🙂 I did send personal notes in a few Christmas cards and just received a call from one friend thanking me profusely for my message. We are gifts in each others lives and we validated that health and friends are the greatest gifts.
What a wonderful way to end the year. Brilliant ritual. Yeah!!
Thanks, Jen … it truly was a wonderful way to end the year. So much better than I even anticipated.
What a lovely ritual! I struggled to come up with “my word” last January, finally settling upon JOY. This year the word GIVE came to me effortlessly and I am already seeing how closely both words are connected! Your generous giving of yourself clearly brought much joy to you and all who participated. Here’s to 2020!
Oh, Kathy … you GIVE so much JOY to others. And I’m one of the lucky recipients. I can’t help but think that you experienced at lot of JOY recently when you became a grandmother for the first time. I was given so much more than I gave last evening. To share the evening with these amazing women was pure JOY!
Lovely! Cleaning out emails every day is like sweeping sand that is blown in over and over. I really appreciate your insight and decision to change things up!
Interesting metaphor for emails, Teresa. Inspiration came and I followed. It was amazing in so many ways. I’m in AWE … my word for 2020. 🙂
Just finished reading your blog and about to turn out the light but could not end the day without saying what a beautiful gift you gave everyone. I agree rituals are so meaningful and so much needed in our lives. This is how I would love to connect. I am going to think of my guide word and see what comes to me. Thanks
I’m hearing from a couple of the participants about how meaningful this was for them … in a big way one of them said. Having lunch with the other to hear what she learned about herself as a result of the sharing. Leaves me in AWE … my word for 2020.
Let me know what your guide word is when it comes to you. I’m being very intention this year about living into mine.
And be prepared for more gatherings like this … where you will be included!!
Love you!
I think you just demonstrated the old adage, “Give and you shall receive.”
I think you are right, Judy. I received so much more than I gave. And I keep receiving as my friends tell me their continuing story of how the evening is working in their lives. I must admit, I am in AWE … my word for 2020.
You have been on my mind lately. Curious about the Alamo book. Has it been published? I’m behind in the news. Would appreciate an update.
Although it has been a week and a half since I first read this blog post, I am responding late, though still with heart-felt gratitude. When I first read it, I felt moved to share a quote I had read recently about the importance of community in one of the Henri Nouwen books I have been reading. I set out to look for the quote the next morning, but have never been able to find it or remember which book it was in (I am reading several). However, today I came across an excerpt from one of Thomas Merton’s writings that speaks to the importance of community and embracing our humanness together. It is from “Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander”. . . “In Louisville, at the corner of Fourth and Walnut, in the center of the shopping district, I was suddenly overwhelmed with the realization that I loved all those people, that they were mine and I theirs, that we could not be alien to one another even though we were total strangers. .. . The whole illusion of a separate holy existence is a dream . . .I suddenly saw the secret beauty of their hearts, the depths of their hearts . . . If only we could see each other that way all of the time.” I am very appreciative, Linda, of all the opportunities you provide to others for meaningful connection — in person, through your powerful memoir, and through your blog posts. New Year’s Eve was a shining example of that. I am one of those who benefits from your skill in uniting people on a deep level, and I am very grateful.
Thank you so much, Carol, for sharing Thomas Merton’s wisdom. I certainly agree with him … Would that we could all view each other this way all of the time. We miss so much when we don’t. And we contribute to the pain in the world when we neglect to see each other this way. Certainly a lesson I need to be reminded of as I move through my days.
As you know, I thrive on deep, meaningful connections. That is probably why I provide opportunities. It is food for my soul. I am humbled by and grateful for your appreciation.
Your post was very interesting. I would have enjoyed being part of an experience like that.
Soon I will be posting about another such gathering. If these gatherings sound enjoyable to you, create one for yourself and your friends. You won’t be sorry. They are like food for my soul. And if you do, let me know how it goes. I’d love to hear all about it. Thank you for your comments.