It’s a Process

Two comments by readers of my last blog post, A Welcome Shift, prompted me to write this one and give a context for that welcome shift:

• Pam wrote: “I also learned steps that will be helpful for me in discerning some changes I am experiencing.”
• Roselin wrote: “It (inner & outer work) has the potential to be a guide for struggling with many issues that claim our attention and call us daily for solutions.”

Background

In 1984, I began a six-year training called Living in Process … a spiritual way of trusting the process of life … something I seem to need to learn over and over again. Through that training with Anne Wilson Schaef, I was required to participate in a practical spiritual process called the 12-Step Program. Applying 12-Step principles to my very challenging life led me to a powerful experience of surrender.

In 1999, I faced the ending of my life as I knew it with curiosity and an uncharacteristic sense of humor. In the process of surrendering, a mystical experience of Divine Love and Grace (A Long Awakening to Grace, page 250-255) emerged. It continues to carry me through years of meeting challenges with loving purpose.

In 2006, reading Cynthia Bourgeault’s Wisdom Way of Knowing, introduced me to Christianity’s Wisdom Tradition … a way of connecting with the Divine beyond rigid ideologies … journeying deeper in search of higher meanings. As one who thirsts for higher meaning, this book touched me deeply. It has been a process of coming to “grok” Wisdom at deeper levels with higher meanings.

During the pandemic, I read several of Cynthia’s books and took almost every class she teaches. Listening to her teach on one of her more difficult-to-understand books, The Holy Trinity and the Law of Three, I just didn’t really get it. I couldn’t move beyond the level of my intellectual understandings of the doctrine of “Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.”

The Trinity = A Law of Three Process

Cynthia reveals that the Trinity is a Law of Three process. Turning it into a doctrine divested the Trinity of its power. Trusting in its process opens us to guidance beyond our intellectual knowing. Shifts occur, impasse is transcended, new doorways open.

Out of a desire to know it more deeply, I registered for a class taught by Marcella Kraybill-Greggo, one of the teachers in Cynthia’s community. I suspected that the losses I experienced during the pandemic had something to do with the Law of Three at work.  Outside my conscious awareness, I experienced The Law of Three as a result of paying attention to my sensations and following my leadings. Even before the class began, I was deep into this weeks-long unfolding.

We discover The Law of Three at work through our conscious attention!

Cynthia Bourgeault

I call it “pondering.”

My 2022 “Law of Three” Process

(Affirming Force, Denying Force, Reconciling Force > A New Arising)

(All forces are neutral … neither positive or negative … all are necessary)

Affirming Force:

An initiating energy engages a process of change

A desire initiates a movement forward

I shared my desire for more freedom in my life, beyond the limitations of caregiving my daughter.

Fairly new friends in the scheme of my life offered me a way. I perceived it as a way “out.”

Denying Force: (important to be curious about)

A feeling of constriction … a felt sense of NO

A felt sense of resistance

I immediately felt resistance and discomfort in my body.

I thought what my friends suggested would be cruel and a violation of my intention to continue to give love and attention to my daughter.

Reconciling Force:

A “seeming bringing together” of a push/pull energy initially felt as antagonistic/opposing

Something NEW coming that incorporates BOTH affirming & denying impulses

I read and pondered Caroline Myss’ book, Sacred Contracts. I accepted caregiving as my sacred contract … a choice vs an obligation. I felt settled, but only for a bit.

I noticed something niggling at me. (Denying Force nudging me to a higher meaning)

As I continued to ponder my daughter’s and my unsustainable reality, a NEW POSSIBILITIY emerged. Long-term friends validated it, deepening and expanding this new possibility.

A New Arising: (Comes into being out of the Dynamism)

An insight arises out of the tension of seeming opposites & the 3^rd force that brought them together

Law of World Creation: something new “came into being” & moved forward

A Higher Meaning for extending Love & Attention to my daughter emerged:

• being proactive/doing the footwork now
• empowering Nicole in the decision-making process
• having fun with it
• easing her transition following my death

Even more compelling

Nicole had two episodes where her legs didn’t work. She had to miss a doctor’s appointment with one of them. We narrowly escaped having to call the squad to get her up on the second one. During this time, I experienced vertigo, dizziness, and lightheadedness for a month. This brought the reality of our unsustainable lives and the necessity of this “new possibility” into sharp view.

Update

Nicole has accepted this new possibility showing more concern for my dizziness than our living separately. “It is what it is.” Perhaps her disease’s stunted emotionality is a blessing in this case.

1. Thanks to a list from my friend, Ruth, home healthcare has been found and utilized on one occasion, even though Nicole has not experienced any more episodes of her legs not working. Expensive but worth the peace of mind when I am taking a break.
2. In the process of making those calls, I found an exercise physiologist who comes to the home. After assessing her and following up, this delightful young woman will work with Nicole twice a month on exercises to strengthen her muscles. She provides socialization as well.
3.  One long-term care facility has been visited. Phone conversations with other facilities gave me the lay of the land. More visitations are in store. Plan to check out assisted living.
4. I’m working on cleaning out Nicole’s storage unit (before it gets hot & humid), engaging her in making decisions about what to keep and what to donate/send to the dump.

Skillful Means: A Whole New Meaning for the Trinity

Cynthia refers to the Law of Three as “skillful means” which can be midwifed through our conscious attention. She relays several stories where her students paid attention to the affirming and denying forces at work in contentious situations, thus midwifing a reconciling force that changed the whole dynamic and a new arising emerged.

As a conflict avoider, I ponder my sensations and attitudes during discord and perceived negative judgments. I notice how I freeze with constriction in my body, how my mind freezes with negativity and self-or-other blame, and how helplessness and uselessness defeat my spirit.

I hope to utilize this tool in the future and, if I’m able to discern the situation skillfully, maybe midwife a new possibility into being. It would be quite satisfying to be instrumental in changing the energy from polarization toward collaboration. And I could celebrate having grown beyond a disempowering pattern. Who knows where that might lead? I’m curious enough to give it a try. Stay tuned.