A Time of Loss

In June, I lost another special friend, Margie Rece, to dementia. I’ve reached that time in life when loss is a frequent companion.

My favorite picture of Margie from the 1980s.

A Trip Down Memory Lane

Margie and I met in the fall of 1984 when we entered the Living-in-Process training with Anne Wilson Schaef.

Gathering on Anne Wilson Schaef’s Boulder, Colorado deck in 1984 in preparation for our first Living-in-Process Training.  Margie is the 2nd from the right.

What a powerful group of women we were. These women and the stimulating, life-changing, growth-producing six years they were an integral part of my life holds a special place in my heart.

Margie and I were assigned to the same regional group. Trainees, mostly from Ohio and Indiana, met monthly in each other’s homes. Margie joined us from Augusta, Georgia and Penny from Rochester, New York. We grew close to women in the Illinois / Wisconsin group, and sometimes combined our meetings.

Meeting with Illinois/Wisconsin Regional Group

Becoming Close Friends

Margie and I grew close and continued our friendship even after we were no longer active in the Living Process network. She appears in my memoir, A Long Awakening to Grace, on page 191. She helped me through a really tough time in my life … Holidays 1989. After my divorce, my children made it clear they would not be spending Christmas with me. So, I spent Christmas with my parents in Florida.

My 12-Step group helped me find a way to bring joy into the holiday … swimming with dolphins in the Florida Keys after the new year. I called Margie and asked her to join me. She immediately responded to this fun idea.

Because of that experience, which included my first time tent camping facilitated by Margie, “I knew I would be okay no matter what the future held.” I had made the best of a sorrowful situation by creating a joyful experience for myself.

Because it was so cold that year, our shivering made it difficult for the dolphins to engage us in play … but they tried! 🙂

Memories Through the Years

Through the years, I visited Margie often while she lived in Augusta and after she moved to Atlanta. I remember one visit to the Atlanta Underground where her son, Will, worked as a chef in a fancy restaurant. It was my first and last experience with haute cuisine.

Between visits, Margie and I kept in close touch via phone. She gave me permission to call her anytime, even in the middle of the night. She had no trouble getting back to sleep.

In May 1999 I took her up on that. I called her about 12:30 am after experiencing abdominal pain all day. She was a nurse and I trusted her judgment and valued her affection for me. In denial that anything could be seriously wrong, I reluctantly followed her recommendation to go to the emergency room to have it checked out. Early the next morning, I was diagnosed with lymphoma.

An Extraordinary Life

Over the years, Margie shared a lot with me about her life  and the passions in which she currently engaged. She lived an extraordinary life. I always felt more people should know about it. Convinced that her story would be an inspiration to many, on my last visit with her, I encouraged her to write a memoir. I was actively working on mine at the time.

Margie was a writer. She wrote loooooong letters to people she loved and cared about. I was the fortunate recipient of some of those letters. I knew she could write her story if she really wanted to.

But she showed no interest in doing that. I remember being puzzled. It seemed to me that it would be an extension of the passionate mission she carried throughout her life.

Our last visit

Unless memory fails me, I believe our last visit occurred sometime during the Obama presidency. Looking back, I believe Margie had the beginnings of dementia at that time.

There was something different about her that I couldn’t put my finger on. I believe now that it was dementia that prevented her from putting her life in writing.

Following an accident, Margie honored her children’s concerns and gave up driving. She lived on a bus line and she was a walker. She boarded that bus daily, went to her volunteer position and farmer’s markets for fresh produce and wherever she wanted to go … huffing it on foot.

During my last visit, I had a hard time keeping up with her. We boarded that bus, ran errands in downtown Atlanta, spent time at the American Friends Service Committee office so she could finish her volunteer assignment for the day, and we worked in a visit to the Martin Luther King, Jr. Center for Non-violent Social Change. We marched all over downtown Atlanta at a steady pace before boarding the bus for home.

I slept really well that night. The next morning, in pouring down rain, I boarded that bus for the airport and my trip home. That was the last time I saw her. As her dementia gradually took her from us, our contact faded.

Treasured Contacts

Fortunately, her oldest daughter, Julie, gifted me with staying in touch, letting me know about Margie’s movements from care facility to care facility. She contacted me in June, when it was clear her mother was in the process of her final transition.

Later, she gifted me with a two-hour phone conversation. She shared about her amazing experiences when her mother’s spirit shown through even though she appeared not to know her children anymore and could no longer carry on a conversation. She shared what it was like for her to lose her mother and what it was like for her having this extraordinary woman for a mother.

She expressed curiosity about me, wanting to know what the Living-in-Process Training had meant to me. As I shared the profound effect it had on my life, she shared how her mother’s experience with it affected her own. It was a conversation I will treasure always.

Next Blog Post

Just this past week, Julie sent me the obituary she wrote for her mother. It so very much captured her mother’s spirit. This post I’ve dedicated to my relationship with and memories of Margie.

My next blog will shine a light on Margie’s extraordinary life through her daughter’s words. It will be my contribution to sharing more widely the life I am convinced would be an inspiration to many!