On October 9, 2004, I had the honor of officiating at Jak and Diane’s wedding. Nontraditional in almost every way, I absolutely loved this ceremony. It tops my list of favorite wedding experiences.
Jak, a former co-worker who became a good friend, married his soulmate. Their wedding, held at their home in Clifton along the Little Miami River, allowed their dogs to celebrate right along with their guests. Jak and Diane planted a tree to commemorate the occasion. We all contributed covered dishes for the reception. Over dinner and afterwards, stimulating conversations filled the air as we reconnected with old friends or made new ones. It was a glorious, joy-filled celebration of love.
Last Saturday evening I received a phone call from a friend. This was the second time she called me with news of the death of a mutual friend … one soulmate losing the love of their life way too soon.
While Karen didn’t have any details at the time, we learned later that Diane died earlier that day of an aneurysm. She was only 58 years old. We could hardly find words to express our shock and heartbreak.
The hearts of many are broken because Diane was a beloved member of the Clifton and Yellow Springs communities. She is known as a lover of animals and people, a dog whisperer who many people entrusted as they would no other with their pets, and an equine acupressure practitioner. Her friends report that Diane responded immediately to those in need, sometimes at 3 a.m. On occasion Jak accompanied her.
In a daze and still in shock, I can’t remember whether Jak called late Saturday or Sunday evening. He asked me to officiate at Diane’s funeral. At the time, he wanted just a small family service now and then a celebration of her life on his property in August, near the time of her birth, for all those who love Diane.
When I met with him and Diane’s mother and brother on Tuesday to share my suggestions and discern what would be meaningful to them, I learned that he couldn’t deny the presence of the hoards of friends who love Diane. He smiled when he said, “It could be standing room only.” He seemed surprised at the outpouring of love coming his way. He still plans to hold the celebration of Diane’s life in August.
I grew close to Jack when we worked together as family therapists at Greene Hall. We took a walk and talked about our lives almost every day during our lunch break. I came to know the bigness of his heart. I liked Diane, but regret never getting to know her well. But when I learned that she was an organ donor, I realized her heart matched Jak’s. What a loss for Jak … and for all of us. The world is in desperate need for people with heart.
I felt the need to write. I wrote an initial post about life being precious and how important it is to tell those important to us that we love them and what they mean to us. We all know that, but when someone so young dies, it brings it home in a powerful way. And still, saying that seemed trite.
Then I realized that I needed to write because it is a part of my process of searching for words when there are no words. I am so honored that Jak is entrusting me. I want to find the words he cannot speak at the moment. I want to find the words that will give him and Diane’s family and friends comfort. I want to do justice to Jak and Diane’s love and the bigness of their hearts.
And so, I ask for your prayers for Jak and Diane’s family … and for me. Pray that I find words that speak to the heart when there really are no words.
Well said Linda, at a time when there really are no words. Praying…
Got your text this morning, Kathy,
Thank you and I look forward to giving you a big hug on Saturday. We will all hold each other up.
Love you,
Linda
???? there are no words…but you will minister beautifully, dear Linda, through your presence. Love and prayers.
Thank you, Kathy,
I appreciate your confidence and your prayers.
Love you,
Linda
Words are your gift to the world . Trust the universe just as Jak trusts you and the words will come!
Loves…..Diana
Thank you, Diana,
I feel such pressure to find just the right words … to support Jak, to honor his pain, and to give him comfort. I do trust that the Universe will be there with me.
Love you,
Linda
Wow. Such a beautiful life. Such a beautiful soul. Such a beautiful couple. All so beautifully expressed in your loving and heartfelt gift, feelings captured in words on paper for readers to share your heart. I feel it, too. So much love.
I know commenting on blogs can be difficult, Meribeth,
But here are your comments. My system tells me this is your first comment and I had to moderate it … give permission. Now that I have, it should be easier from here on out. Don’t know why the system wants your website … as though everyone in the world has one.
Yes, Diane had a beautiful life. She and Jak and beautiful souls and truly meant for each other. Thank you for appreciating my words. Gives me hope that the words that are given to me for Saturday will be appreciated as well.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful post.
Thank you for reading it and leaving a comment. I know several Carol’s, so I’m not sure which one of them you are. But I appreciate your reaching out. I just figured out which Carol wrote this comment. So glad you appreciated my post.
Thank you for sharing, Linda… I didn’t know them, but these are the stories that must be told to help inspire us and keep us cherishing every day as a gift. Prayers for Jak, friends and family, and for you to capture just the right words, which we know you will. I am blessed that our paths have crossed…
Thank you so much, Terry, for responding. Yes, Jak and Diane’s story is certainly an inspiration and a reminder that we never know when our life will turn on a dime and someone we love is no longer with us in physical form.
I, too, am glad our paths crossed … and I hope to have more contact with you in this next year. Blessings.
Linda, just reading this blog tells me Spirit will give you the words. You may think there are none, but words are your gift, and I know you will gift Jak and Diane’s friends with the best ones.
Actually, Ruth, I have been working on this most of the day … and thanks to many of Diane’s friends, words are coming … and Spirit did send me the right words to tie it all together. I should have known to trust, but this is a big deal for me and I want it to be special for Jak and Diane’s family and friends. They deserve my best.
Diane’s soul shines through her beautiful smile. Wow! I am captivated by her brightness. I’m 56 and when I hear her story – leaving her body so quickly and without notice – it hits home. Your words about expressing our love and appreciation for the people in our lives who are “our people” are not trite – they’re right on. I’ll be holding you and Jak and all those who loved Diane in my heart. You are the perfect vehicle to express all that needs to be expressed. Much love to you.
Thanks, Jen,
Yes, it is sobering isn’t it … how young she was when she left us … and such a bright star.
Fortunately, I have been given messages from many of her friends about what she meant to them. With their help, the words have come. I just put the finishing touches on the service and feel that the words given to me will be comforting … and challenging. The concrete ways in which Diane shared her love is an example for us all.
Linda, thank you for sharing these tender highlights from Diane’s and Jack’s life. Sudden death. Everything changes so profoundly so quickly. We are awash in the past and seeking to stay afloat in the present. Truly, the present is all we have. I know you are a blessing to this family’s life, and their friends.
Thank you, Teresa,
How true it is that our lives can change on a dime. And your are so right … the present is all we have.
I hope to be a blessing tomorrow … I think the words that have been given to me to speak will be appreciated.
I heard through our mutual friend that it was a beautiful and meaningful service…and that you made it so. Divine inspiration came your way. I’m so sorry this happened. I didn’t know Diane at all, and know Jak a little. I thought about coming but just don’t think I could have done it…just too many similarities. I’m grateful he is surrounded by love.
Hi Cindy,
You probably recognized yourself in what I wrote here … you know the pain of losing a soulmate. I can understand why you were reluctant to come. I’m sure Jak will feel your loving concern and your total understanding of his experience through the airwaves. You know what it means to be surrounded by love at just such a time. Thank you for letting me know what you heard about the service. As you can see from previous comments, I was given the words … and they seemed to be just the right words. For that I’m very grateful.