Responsibility

Responsibility … a word we rarely hear these days. Instead, we hear “freedom” and “rights” from those who would strip others of theirs.

This morning (July 11), I turned on the TV to check the weather. After wading through myriad commercials and a couple of CBS Mornings stories, I finally got my answer. It was worth the frustration because in one of those stories, I heard a young man assuming “responsibility” in a most touching way.

It seems that vasectomy appointments are booming in a town near Tampa, Florida. One doctor learned about the overturn of Roe v Wade when the volume of inquiries and appointments for the procedure tripled in one day. Many seekers are under thirty and child-free. In the past, only about 12% fit that category. That number doubled on June 24. This practice is currently booked through August, farther ahead than ever before.

Men Assuming Responsibility

One story featured a 27-year-old who sought a vasectomy because he and his girlfriend do not want children. He’d been thinking about it. Then the Supreme Court pushed him into going through with it. He even allowed himself to be filmed while receiving the procedure.

For him, it was about easing the burden on women who have had their constitutional right to abortion taken away and the fear of future restrictions on birth control. He said men taking this step are doing it to protect their partners and if they aren’t currently in a relationship, to protect their future partners.

Another young man, this one from Texas, sought a vasectomy immediately after his state’s abortion laws became so restrictive. His post about it went viral. He said, “Try to put yourself in a woman’s shoes … I think I should take that into account and take a little bit more responsibility.”

My, how things are changing

Tears moistened my eyes. My experience in 1974 was so different.

… I knew I couldn’t handle having a third child. For fear of compromising my health, I wanted to discontinue using birth control pills. I initiated a conversation with Buddy about other options, hoping he would consider a vasectomy. He avoided the subject – his typical reaction when he was uncomfortable about something.

Pages 54-55 of A Long Awakening to Grace

Tittering Discomfort

Tony Dokoupil and Manuel Bojorquez, the co-hosts of CBS Mornings, tittered their discomfort with the subject.

Manuel was surprised to see the young man being filmed awake instead of being knocked out … and holding himself up by his elbows as he watched the procedure. Grinning from ear to ear, Manuel sucked in his breath between his teeth. Apparently most of the men in the studio were similarly surprised and uncomfortable.

Tony had two questions before he’d consider it. “Is the fun stuff still fun? Does your inner caveman still feel like he’s there?” He noted this is a real thing for men. He received a “yes” to both of those inquiries.

Gayle King noted that it doesn’t appear to be painful. Tony & Manuel laughed uncomfortably. She noted that it’s an interesting thing that so many men are doing it.

After all the tittering subsided, Tony did admit it is a small thing compared to what a woman needs to undergo.

The Reality

A no-scalpel vasectomy is a 10-minute procedure which is painless for most men. There is only a 2-day recovery. A tubal ligation, however, requires general or spinal anesthetic for the 30-minute procedure, is more invasive and risky, and requires a longer recovery period. The cost is lower for a vasectomy and there are fewer risks of complication. There is a higher degree of success in reversing a vasectomy than there is for a tubal ligation.

So in my case, in 1974, in the face of a stonewalling husband, I made an appointment to seek a tubal ligation. In other words, I took responsibility.

My gynecologist indicated that my prolapsed uterus would begin causing problems sooner or later. He said, “You might as well have it out now.” … “Okay. How soon can we schedule it?” … “Don’t you want to go home and talk it over with your husband first?” … “He doesn’t care what I do as long as I’m the one who does it.”

Page 55 of A Long Awakening to Grace

HOPE!

These young men and their concern for the women in their lives … their willingness to put themselves in their partner’s shoes touched me deeply. Their maturity in taking responsibility is impressive … moving beyond our culture’s current cacophony of shouts for “freedom” and “rights” at the expense of others. They give me hope … a little bit of hope in a world where women are increasingly disregarded as inconsequential. This younger generation just might lead us to a world of increasing beauty, truth, and goodness. These young men are leading the way.