Roots of Spiritual Formation

The roots of my spiritual formation began before I started my seminary education. As an active member of my local congregation, I served on the Christian Education Committee, attended an in-depth weekly Bible study group, taught adult education classes, learned how to facilitate small groups, read spiritual literature. I was hungry for spiritual sustenance. I began to grow in strength of character.

I was fortunate to belong to a congregation where adult education and retreats focusing on spiritual formation were offered. Many congregations only focus on children and youth in their spiritual formation programs, failing to recognize the on-going growth process for adults as well.

Foundation Building

I flourished at United Theological Seminary in Dayton as a student in the 1970’s and a field education supervisor in the 80’s. Our professors were ahead of their times. They sacrificed the reputations they could have had if they had focused on climbing the professional ladder through writing and publishing.

Instead, they created an alternative curriculum that focused on developing relationships and the skills needed to get along with people with differing perspectives. We were on a first-name basis with our professors. We felt their affection for us even as they challenged us. They promoted our critical thinking skills and nurtured our growth in character.

Instead of giving us tests where we would be required to memorize and regurgitate facts and figures, we chose an area of interest within the broader subject matter. Then we did research and wrote papers about what we found, zeroing in on our reflections. Then, instead of giving us letter grades, the professors took the time and effort to give us narrative evaluations, expanding our perspectives even more.

Diving Deeper

Twice as many women than men took the Church History class in which I participated. Our professor was known for being tough. He expected high-quality work and was thrilled with how seriously we women took our studies. We had two assignments. Because of my interest in the ministry of the laity in early Christian communities, I went above and beyond in my research. Dr. Gorrell honored me with excusing me from researching and writing the second paper about the Early Church Fathers.

With my newly acquired feminist consciousness, I was thrilled not to have to study them. However, I think I could have benefitted from that study. I might have learned about Gregory of Nyssa and St. Augustine’s focus on growth as a part of spiritual formation in the years 350-430. I probably wouldn’t have appreciated what I learned, however, because I was not yet fully conscious of the developmental process.

If I had researched leaders beyond those in the very early Christian Community, I might have been introduced to the mystics earlier in my life … those folks who focused more on their relationship with the Divine, their experience of Divine love, their inner life. When beliefs and dogma contradicted, they remained faithful to their experience. Without knowing about them, my path, too, came to focus more on my experience and interior life than on dogma and doctrine.

Some women mystics faced persecution and the Inquisition because of their devotion to their relational experience. One of the best known among them was Teresa of Avila (1515-1582). This blog post written by Dr. Jennifer Hornyak Wojciechowski, a Professor of Christian History who encourages addressing controversial topics from the pulpit with wisdom, humor, and grace, gives a short biography of Teresa, her favorite saint.

If I had been introduced to Teresa earlier, her interior spiral of growth of the soul would have been grounding and validating. Today, her teachings are quite well-known and valued among spiritual teachers, like a major one of mine, Caroline Myss.

Teresa of Avila’s Interior Castle

I began to think of the soul as if it were a castle made of a single diamond or of very clear crystal, in which there are many rooms, just as in Heaven there are many mansions. ~Teresa of Avila

Carolyn Humphreys is a Secular Discalced Carmelite, an ongoing order in the linage of Teresa of Avila. Their community nurtures those who aspire to progress through the Castle. I appreciate her book, From Ash to Fire, because it helps contemporary folks like me understand Teresa’s 16^th C language.

Teresa begins her book, The Interior Castle, motivating us for the journey by describing the qualities, values, and rewards we will acquire if we are faithful on the journey through the seven rooms/mansions.

Not for the Faint of Heart

We are weak at the beginning of our spiritual journey. While it is a precarious journey, we are not alone. Others who are further along on the journey can serve as spiritual teachers/guides/companions who light the way for us and give us the courage to continue. I was fortunate to have many such people throughout my life.

There will be backward steps before moving forward again and again. This journey requires a great deal of introspection in order to gain knowledge about ourself … of seeing life beyond ourself. This Self-Knowledge grows and grows in each room as we gradually grasp the enormity of Divine Love and our call to embody it. It is painful to witness ourselves missing the mark so often.

The Mark of True Humility

On the journey, if we acquire true humility, we will experience peace, joy, and tranquility even in the midst of great inner turmoil and trials. This interior stillness helps us serve the Divine intention for us more fully … moving toward what seems right … doing the best we can and leaving the rest to Divine Wisdom … recognizing good coming forth even from our falls … embracing the true perfection of loving The Divine and others as we/they are so loved. Loving ourself and others becomes easier as we experience the radiance of Divine Love doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves. We become “servants of love.”

Shifting Priorities, Values, & Perspectives

Virtues (kindness, gentleness, composure of spirit, honesty, and courage to move forward) begin to grow. New values emerge and our perspective broadens.

As our desire and determination to progress increases, we find ourselves avoiding anything that fails to represent Divine Love. A generosity of spirit emerges that gives without expecting anything in return.

We forgive ourselves and others when we fall short and miss the mark. We are patient with ourselves and others. We seek healing in all dimensions of our personality.

Obstacles on the Path

Our culture’s focus on pleasure, comfort, independence, and external rewards like status, money, and power prove to be stumbling blocks. These obstacles are sneaky. They may even infect us when we unconsciously seek these rewards through doing “good works.”

We may be considered “odd” or worse among the people who adhere to cultural norms. We will be understood by few. This path can be a lonely one.

The Gifts of Perseverance

Teresa is clear about what awaits the faithful at the center of the Castle … the blissful joy and unfathomable delight of Divine Grace beyond our cognitive understanding. As our heart surrenders fully … we are transformed into the genuine beauty of who we truly are … as we were created to be.

And we may even be gifted, as many historical and contemporary Mystics report, with an ecstatic experience of Union with Divine Love.

My Long Awakening

If you read my memoir, A Long Awakening to Grace, you may recognize some of these gifts emerging in my struggle with my children. I would not have been able to sustain any kind of emotional stability had I not been serious about my inner journey. In some ways, I had no choice.

In those crucial moments and weeks when I didn’t know what the future course of my life held for me, I prayed and prayed, tried to no avail to find a solution in the best interests of all involved, and finally, on August 2, 1999, I surrendered fully.

That is not easy for a personality who feels safest when she is in control. I was at the limit of my resources. I was surprised and in awe of the inner stillness that descended upon me.

And then a miracle of Divine Grace emerged. As a result, I experienced myself moving out of the shadows of shame into a woman with a strength beyond my own. I became a warrior for my children.

Those who knew me and witnessed my transformation expressed awe. Those who had only just met me, expressed admiration for the calm, wise, and loving way I handled a most difficult circumstance.

On that day of surrender, almost 25 years ago, I reached the 7^th room in Teresa’s Interior Castle.

I didn’t know about Teresa in 1999. Instead, I practiced the 12-Steps of Growth observed by Alcoholics Anonymous, where surrender to a power greater than ourselves is required in order to progress on the path.

There are many transformational paths. Fortunately, 12-Step programs have a built-in system of support. Witnessing and hearing stories of practicing those Steps leading to Transformation gives guidance and inspiration.

Today

Surrender, despite my miraculous experience, is still hard for me. I still experience backward and forward steps on the journey. I wouldn’t wish my life circumstances on anyone. And I have to admit, without the hardships, I probably never would have persevered and been brought to my knees.

I continue to seek guidance in the quest to be my most loving self. My “shadow” continues to present me with challenges. I do my best to learn and grow from every challenging situation I encounter outside of and within myself. Today I accept my humanness more easily than in the past … not easy for one whose personality contains expectations of perfection.

Had I not been brought to my knees, I would not have experienced the joy of discovering a taste of my “True Self” … the strong woman I was created to be. She continues to show herself from time to time. And for that, I’m grateful.

How do you resonate with this process of growth on your spiritual journey?

What path has nurtured you?