After awakening this morning at 3:30 to go to the bathroom, my hip (strained a muscle doing yard work) was hurting and I couldn’t go back to sleep. And so, I turned on the heating pad and the TV to check the election results. My heart sank. I feel so sad.
And so, I entered a lonely place. I picked up my devotional guide, Intimate Conversations with the Divine by Caroline Myss and chose her prayer, “Lord, How Can this Happen?”
“The wise choice is to prepare yourself from within to be able to handle any change that comes your way. We cannot control the external world … We can only examine our inner responses again and again. The Buddha teaches that attachment to the world is a source of great suffering. That is an eternal truth.” ~Caroline Myss
Journey Inward, Journey Outward
Next I went to my bookshelf and pulled out Elizabeth O’Connor’s 1968 book, Journey Inward, Journey Outward. Sometime in the early 70s I was introduced to The Church of the Saviour in Washington, DC. and to O’Connor’s writings about the dual journey’s that form the foundation of this Christian community. Her writings about the extraordinary dual paths given equal credence in this community’s unique structure form my vision of a spiritual community and the spiritual journey.
I live with the tension of these two journey’s. My God-given nature makes me one who is quiet and reflective, more drawn to the inner journey … a journey that has never, in my experience, received the attention it is due.
Jesus’ miracles and actions are much more prominently lifted up in biblical passages, sermons, church structures. Only slight attention is given to …
Now when Jesus heard this, he withdrew from there in a boat to a lonely place apart. ~Mt 14:13a
The apostles returned to Jesus, and told him all that they had done and taught. And he said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a lonely place and rest awhile.” ~Mark 6:31
Never Enough
It is not that I don’t take action. Yesterday, I took action to serve as a poll monitor. That is just one of the actions I took this election season in the service of social justice. And, as usual, I am left feeling as though it is never enough. I am exhausted by that feeling. I don’t think I am alone in that.
Making “Enough” of a Difference
Making a difference. Isn’t that something we all want to do? I will never make a “big splash” kind of difference. The difference I do make is of the quieter kind. And “quiet” doesn’t seem to be in vogue … of much value these days.
When I served professionally as a facilitator of healing relationships, I could see the difference I made. Sometimes those I served told me about the difference I made in their lives. Of course, that wasn’t every single person whose lives I touched. And, drawing on the gifts emerging from my God-given nature, enoughness emerged as I witnessed the difference I made.
When I am given opportunity to exercise my gift of small group leadership, I am able to witness the difference I am making in some people’s lives. I have a sense of enoughness as awakenings emerge in an atmosphere of awe, as conversations deepen, as connections are made and honored, as each contribution to the whole is valued and honored.
I have a sense of enoughness when I write, a native ability I possess. I’m not a great writer, and my memoir has touched the lives of many … a few seem to value what I write in this space. Whenever I think I have nothing more to say, I am drawn by an invisible force to write more. And here I am this morning
Inviting You In to that Lonely Place
I have a sense of enoughness when I go to that lonely place to rest and commune with a power greater than myself. This morning at 4 am, here in my lonely place, all this bubbled up in me and I felt compelled to share it … where it might make a difference.
Through my writing, I have been known as one who “gives voice to difficult topics in a heart-felt, vulnerable, and courageous manner.” I haven’t been faithful to that much lately. I am being led to come forth again.
I don’t know if what I’m writing this morning will make a difference to those of you reading this. And I felt compelled to share what is in my heart. It’s rough and unedited. I hope it makes some kind of difference.
I’m scared. Writing this is one of my ways to prepare myself to “stand strong on shaky ground,” as one of my friends likes to put it.
“The wise choice is to prepare yourself from within to be able to handle any change that comes your way. We cannot control the external world … We can only examine our inner responses again and again. The Buddha teaches that attachment to the world is a source of great suffering. That is an eternal truth.” ~Caroline Myss
Thank you for reading. Thank you if you choose to make a comment. We need each other as we prepare to weather the storms that are sure to come.
I close with gratitude. Thank you for reading and hopefully listening to the still small voice of wisdom within yourself and responding if you feel so moved.
Thank you for writing this, Linda. Waking up to the news was a bit disorienting and shocking. Finding our place as an individual in this collective culture is rough today for we Blue ones. I resonate with your’s and Caroline Myss’s sage advice – go within. I am feeling such sadness for the state of humanity on this planet. May my light and your light continue to shine…
Thank you for your quick response, Jen,
We do need so many lights to shine in the darkness descending upon us at this time. It is just so sad and tragic to see such a beautiful vision … democracy … fade away. The idealistic little girl inside me can hardly believe we’ve come to this … that I’ve lived to see this demise in my lifetime. Today our lights flicker. May we be strengthened to keep them shining as we traverse the future one day … one moment … at a time.
Thank you for this, Linda. You’ve helped put me in perspective in a time of grief.
Love,
Pam
Dearest Pam,
You are one of those for whom social justice activism seems to come easily. You have made such a huge difference all around our world. All of us who care and especially warriors for democracy like you are grieving. I’m grateful my struggle gave you a helpful perspective. Sending you love and hugs!
Thank you Linda for courageously writing.
The Carolyn Myss quote is such a good reminder.
And I am glad you spoke of how you DO make a difference.. You and I are very much alike, making a difference in more intimate, rather than splashy places..
We need to honor how we DO make a difference and continue..
Love and hugs to you dear friend
Dear Ani,
As I’ve told you before, I so admire the courage you demonstrated at a very young age when you defied your parents by climbing out your bedroom window in order to participate in the Civil Rights March on Washington. What an act of conscience and courage.
I very much appreciate your acknowledgement of the difference I make in a much quieter way. That seems to be my style. I’m learning that it still counts and I appreciate your support in that!
Love & hugs back at you, dear friend!
Thank you for posting your heart felt feelings this morning. When I go to my quiet place within it’s not lonely at all. I feel the fullness of Life in and around me and the love that fills me. I really only feel lonely when I abandon myself and what I know to be Truth. Life, creation is so much bigger than our small minds and closed hearts. That’s why Buddha and Jesus say to “to be in the world but not of it”. That’s why attachment to the material world brings suffering. All this will change in the bigger movement of creation and something else will take its place. Turn inward to the fullness of the love that comes through the spiritual heart and and celebrate your aliveness. Yes we feel sad and fearful for our planet’s and children’s future. The bigger picture is we each have our own Dharma and Karma to live out. That’s why we’re here. To be the Truth of One Love in the world.
Prema,
I would love to have a conversation with you about what you wrote. Because our spiritual paths are so different, I do not understand all that you are saying here. Terms that are not a part of my tradition (Dharma/Karma) I find confusing. Even in my own tradition where “What is the spirit saying to us?” is a more familiar phrase … I find myself struggling with it in the light of Tuesday’s events. Let’s talk. And thank you for reaching out.
Linda, I know you have worked very hard in behalf of the Harris Waltz campaign, and thank you. I worked the polls yesterday, too-one of the largest sites-we were up by 4 am, at the site at 5:30 am to set up and the polls opened at 6:30 am, closed at 7:30 pm. I think I put in about 15,000 steps in the large area. We were home by 9:30 pm, exhausted-and sure that Issue 1 would pass here in Ohio to end gerrymandering. I met and chatted with some interesting and enjoyable Republicans and Independents. However, after a restless night, I woke up to the reality of where our country is right now, and just stopped. Everything stopped for me. I was able to have one conversation with our daughter, and she broke into tears as she is preparing to start up a new business with another female colleague, feeling like the patriarchy is going to stop her before she gets started. There are a lot of shaky dreams and hopes for the future. After I rest and be quiet today, I will get started again because there is so much to do. We need room to grieve what we didn’t see coming our way-and knowing rough times for millions are very likely ahead. The bright future is delayed for many. In the wisdom years, I had hoped to get this big win for all of us so I could rest a bit–but, I take each moment as it arrives. No TV news today. Enough already.
Dear Teresa,
Thank you for your service at the polls on Tuesday. What a let down after such an exhausting day. I’m glad you were able to have interesting chats with Republicans and Independents. My heart goes out to your daughter and young women everywhere whose hopes and dreams and very lives are at risk. I’m grateful to be old. I carry concern for my daughter, too, though in a very different way.
I need more than one day to rest before I can jump in again, though yesterday I was given an opportunity to make a difference in “my way” … quiet and yet firm … with someone with a very different perspective on Tuesday than I hold. I’m learning there are valuable ways to make a difference that the typical social justice activism way and I’m claiming that for myself. Withdrawing to my Lonely Place is what gave me the wisdom to act with integrity despite my disturbing feelings. I’m still not ready to tap into TV news. Even had to mute during segments of PBS News Hour last night. I just can’t hear it right now. It hurts and scares me too much. I am choosing to listen to Wisdom Voices to keep me centered and stable.
And I support you in being true to the path you are called to walk. I admire it greatly. And I’m coming to admire the path I’m called to walk as well. Perhaps this shock is what I needed to affirm the quieter path that comes more naturally to me. Because that’s how I’ve been wonderfully made. 🙂
Thank you so much for responding. And I encourage you to take the time you need to rest your weary bones before charging out again. I agree … Enough already!!!
Just finished rereading your piece. You make perfect sense to me in this time of chaos and uncertainty..
Thank you for expressing yourself so beautifully.
🥰