Sacred Gifts of Connection

At the end of my last blog post, I mentioned that in the midst of writing about my isolation, an extra-mile friend called and asked to pay me a visit that had been meaningful to both of us.

It was meaningful because I’m providing a service to her and she had some questions for clarification. I was able to answer in a way that deepened our conversation as well as the service I’m providing. We marveled at the sacredness of relationships.

However, I did not do her the honor of stretching into a “holy” relationship.

When she asked what I was writing about, I deflected. At that point, I wasn’t sure I would post the blog … if I would have the courage to be “authentically myself,” open to showing “my full humanness,” my “shadow self.” At that moment, shame prevented me from exposing that side of me to the light.

Showing Up

Three days later, this and another extra-mile friend joined together on a Zoom call. We met to strategize how to give concrete support to this second friend experiencing a number of stressful situations in her life.

Pleased with the plan we developed, my friends turned their attention to me. I got honest. They gave me the support I needed to begin to “rise.” Together we developed a plan for me to address the “brokenness and wounds” I carried … a plan that emerged out of “love” … with the possibility of leading to another needed “transformation.” I promised them I would follow through on my commitments.

Renewing My Integrity

The next day, I edited what I’d written. And the day after that, I posted it, and the day after that, I took the first step in the plan. I felt a sense of relief not to be hiding anymore. I still feel embarrassed and I’ve received validation from several sources that I am not alone, there is a way out, and I’m on the right track.

Tough Love = Speaking the Truth in Love

On that Saturday morning Zoom call, my extra-mile friends gave me tough love. I know from experience this is the hardest kind of love to give … and it’s not easy to receive either. And because it’s so hard, it is the purest, most honest, and least self-centered form of extending love.

And these friends spoke the truth in love to me in a way that empowered me to take the next steps in my healing. They wouldn’t let me get away with doing nothing.

Then I received a phone call from a high school classmate who lives in Connecticut. We both followed similar professional paths, though he realized his calling much earlier than I. He reached out to me a couple of years ago, and we have developed a most interesting collegial relationship. He is now a subscriber to my blog.

Even though we barely knew each other as adolescents, it is amazing to me the similarities of our experience growing up in a small, farming community which lacked the resources we needed to stimulate and satisfy our curiosities, come to know who we were, and the gifts we have to offer. We have both made our healing a priority. We both are on a journey of transformation.

I never would have guessed that we have so much in common. Though, when I think back to my awareness of the boys in our class (they outnumbered us girls by 2-1 in this class of 35), he stands out in my memory more than any others. I found him more interesting even than the jocks.

After reading my post, he called out of concern. We talked about a number of things including our common experiences, what all is involved in blogging, and the importance of expanding our families beyond blood relatives.

And then he gave me some tough love, too.

“All those things you said about yourself are not true. You’re a liar! Linda Marshall, you’re a liar.”

I have seldom felt so cared about. I think I’ve found a long-lost brother.

Moving Forward with Gratitude

Several of you hoped I would continue writing and posting. I found your comments … “benefits from your wisdom,” “cutting-edge ideas,” “helps me see the beauty in life,” and “thoughtful and courageous sharing” … very encouraging.

One reader sent me a text and thanked me for “taking the time, energy, and focus to bring unsaid things into the light.”

Another reader called to offer financial support if that’s what I needed because she thinks it’s really important for me to continue. I was stunned … and to say I am grateful is an understatement. Her offer fills a deep hole of impoverishment from a childhood of neglect and diminishment. She’s a sister who gets me.

With this abundance of sacred gifts of connection, I will be continuing with a grateful heart. Thank you so much for your support. It is very much appreciated.